“The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle.”

Anais Nin

Barbara'sMolyx3_JanAllsopp

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I’m looking for that kind of miracle. My guess is they don’t just flutter down on you from on high, other wise I’m pretty sure we’d all be living our dreams right now. I think they come to those who pursue them. Doggedly.

So why do I feel like me doggedly pursuing my dreams is somewhat of a spectacle, an embarrassment, while, when I look at others doing just that I feel admiration? Why is it all so confusing to me, when others actions seem so self assured? What is this feeling called? Uncertainty? Humiliation? I just want to turn invisible.

Yet, I’m not. And I still dream.

Niniji'sMolyx3_JanAllsopp

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So my first steps, my latest steps towards my dream future, is to catch up on a few projects I’d let slide (for a year!). These drawings are for Molyx3 (International Moleskine Exchange #3). I had three books here waiting for my entries and this week I decided to dive in. I always agonise about what to do, what topic, what style, what materials to use in these books. This week I decided to fill my allotted pages with the drawings that have been interesting me for almost a year now, my “emotion” drawings.

Roland'sMoly_JanAllsopp

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I have a jar which holds tiny slips of paper with hundreds of emotions on them. I choose one at random, take a moment to “get into the emotion” and then I pick up a little mirror and “pull the face” of it. I put the mirror away and then I draw the emotion. I am still pretty much always amazed that the emotion then appears on my paper. I don’t know how I translate my “agony” or “elatedness” from my face to the page.

But that is the way of creativity. We know not from whence it cometh. But cometh it does – if we sit at the empty page and take up the tools.

And so I will be doggedly taking up my tools and attacking blank pages and canvases, waiting for inspiration and letting it fuel my dream. I’m going to catch up.